I was filled with anticipation in the weeks and days leading up to the new year. I had just graduated from undergrad, and I felt like this milestone would be life-changing. I applied for jobs, took a certification course, and researched how to become more professionally competitive for hours.
Now, look, I’ve had a job since I was 15 until two years ago when I was medically retired from the military. My Army job was in finance, which isn’t what I want to do now, but some of the skills are definitely transferable.
I’ve been applying to jobs for a while and have received countless emails stating, “We’re going to go with someone who better meets the criteria we’re looking for.” What does that even mean?! I meet all the criteria listed in the job ad and sometimes even exceed it. Even with my crispy new diploma and certification, the rejections keep trickling in.
As Christmas time approached, I was still somewhat hopeful for a more productive year. Then my kid’s preschool called and said they’re delaying opening because of construction yet again. At first, they were opening in August, then September, now February (maybe?).
My optimism refused to quit, and I thought, ‘Well, okay, I’ll just go around locally over Christmas break and offer some volunteer services for experience hours and start that CrossFit membership I’ve been putting off.’ It seemed perfect because my husband could watch the kids while I did whatever I had to do.
Welp, guess what? Christmas break started, my rover account was flooded with requests, and I was hit with whatever mystery respiratory illness that must have been wrapped up in so many of our Christmas presents this year.
I spent the break hacking up a lung, housing dogs that I’m pretty sure had fleas, chasing another dog around its house trying to convince it that I’m a friend just trying to feed it and take it potty, going through two different rounds of antibiotics, a round of steroids for my lungs, and drinking the most disgusting cough medicine I’ve ever tasted.
The only thing all that medicine seemed to eradicate was my optimism about reinventing myself in the new year. It’s now about week two of 2025, and all I can think is, ‘So what?’. So what that it’s a new year? So what that January 1st is a day to make change and better ourselves? It’s just another day. Another day of cold, sickness, application rejection emails, dirty dishes, dirt floors, and piles of laundry.
As a person who has struggled with depression, I had to pump the brakes. I recognized precisely where these thought patterns would lead me…. Right back into an existential spiral. I’d start asking what’s the point of anything and that leads me down a very long, very dark path. I HAD to reevaluate.
Maybe my ideas, goals, and hopes for the future were focused on the wrong things. Do I need a job? No. I want a job because I have a problem with sitting still. I need to constantly be doing something. I have a self-deprecating relationship with achievement and success, where I measure my worth by my accomplishments. All my time spent recovering from illness made me realize that maybe I should be putting more value on discovering what I love and what makes me feel good but doesn’t cause me to go into burnout.
So, what do I actually want to focus on this year? Honestly, I’d like to be less, do less, and put less pressure on myself. I want to start living a little more slowly, enjoy cozy days inside without feeling guilty about the ever-growing list of tasks I didn’t get accomplished. I don’t want to feel rushed, and I don’t want to feel like I have to keep reaching for unattainable standards of success. I don’t want to place so much value on how others see me and the things I “should” be doing. I want to be happy doing what makes me happy.
This year, my goal is to explore what makes me happy. I’m going to try new hobbies. I’m going to try to be healthier so that I feel better, but I won’t hold myself back to any restrictive diets or intensive workout routines. I’ll read more, play more fetch with my dogs, and encourage my children to try new things no matter what mess they make in the process. Most importantly, I’ll continue to check in with myself to see what’s working and what isn’t. I’ll adjust as needed, even if it’s not what society sees as productive, trendy, transformative.
That’s where I came up with the idea for this blog. I want to find a community of people that also want to take the pressure off themselves. Having a presence online is something I’ve thought about too, but I don’t want to spend hours filming and editing for content. I love to read so writing can’t be so bad right?
Blogging can be an outlet where I share my journey of learning how to relax – no pressure, no striving for monetization or ranking, just a place to talk and share ideas. I’d love for you to share your favorite hobbies and send along any self-care tips that I, or anyone else reading this, can try as we learn to nurture ourselves as well as those we love.
Cheers to us, maybe not reinventing ourselves but learning more about ourselves instead.
Smiling in Solidarity 
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